Thursday, September 24, 2009
myramoxiaomai from URL @ 16:35
i haven been blogging eversince my last entry. usually one week is the max. duration but this time, im surprised myself. for a damn good two weeks, i didn blog. sometimes i wonder why, when blogging comes at the top of my "to-do" list every single day. ha.
recently, many things hav happened. don kno where to start.
im confused myself. it's like now, i could only see the blurry image of my life.
messy too. ok now im seeing zillions of tadpoles swimming around, here, there, everywhere. i mean, not literally. and, i begin reflecting bac. as far bac as when i was a young child. how i hav big dreams to be a teacher. how i aspire to be an actress too, or a VJ, somewhere along those lines. and as i grew up, i saw myself having high expectations of everything. be a leader, be smart, take charge. that was me. the young energetic me.
now, i hav no one to blame, (i shouldn) but ive seen the worst side of me. and the best part of it is, im currently at my worst state of mind, at the lowest peak of my (life?). i feel like im fucking useless. a good-for-nothing really. i jus wanna enjoy life. work? i jus don seem to care. i jus do what i can, and it was all half-heartedly. wtf do i wan? i don even care about my family. i don spend time with my fam anymore. im always hardly home. it seems like my nightlife is the main priority now. my frens too. what are my dreams now? how do i wan my life to turn out? ive never thought about all that anymore. im no more motivated, im jus a bum. yea a lazy bum. sometimes, i wish i could hav that energy i used to hav in me when i was in sunshine empire bac then. now, i don kno. i don wanna think about it no more. im jus ..... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
tired may seem the correct word, but i realize, it's not jus that. and this month, ive been spending alot. really alot. i can say i spent approximately 1500bucs on nothing. really nothing. im fucked big time now. ive learnt my lesson now. but i don kno when i can totally totally change this attitude of mine.
but let's jus look at the bright side of my life now.
one person has been conveying me the msg that, im not alone in this world.
she has made me believe in what you can call, Girl Power :) (sound so powerpuff!)
and shes none other than my loyal deer! haha!
ZHOUHUI. thanx a million. youre one fren i can truly truly be myself when im with you. i mean like, i can even show you my nipple lahh! (ok im jus saying)
look at the tons of shit we were doing!
this was at Tully's. me acting shocked. and me tryna sniff all the smoke through my nose.
this was at coffee bean
      and now to my gf.
yes these few weeks, how many times hav we had errr friction?
for how long hav we not seen each other, went out tgt?
it felt like a million years. and it's true, i cant imagine if i were to lose you.
gf, im sorry for whatever that ive done to hurt you. sorry.
i promise there wont be a nex time. love you!!
sadly, these are the only pics of us tgt.
wow. that goes to tell us sth gf! rem our 8th month.
make sure its real big!  oh and one more thing.
you'll be happy with him ok. don always think too much.
be more confident, hav more faith. you guys will work out :)
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ive met alot of bastards in this world.
i kno there's more. but how many more?
nevertheless, im ready. bring it on!
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