i know i shouldn do that to her. i know i was being kinda rude? but i really didn like that feeling. i was lying down on the sofa and was staring at my phone when i slowly started dozing off. it might be for a few seconds only or a minute when suddenly i heard two loud claps! from my mother! wtf? VERY VERY LOUD OK! and i got a shock! the feeling was terrible. i always hate that feeling. it was an awful feeling. terribly awful! it was as if my heart had jumped out of my body! and this wasnt the firs time my mother purposely disturbed me so, i was kinda pissed that i sorta scolded my mother. sorry ibu .. i know i shouldn hav, but you shouldn hav played like that towards me. pleaseeeee.
i thought there was sth wrong with me tdy. i guess honeyy could hav noticed. haha. was soooo weird. one time i wanted to do sth alone, but at the same time i didn wanna feel neglected or lonely. thats why i was in a rather dazed kinda mood tdy. my thoughts werent running smoothly and i couldn decide what to do. ended up i took a bus with honey to bkt panjang area after ech club meeting, then instead of going to her house as planned, i told her i might wanna go wdlands library. in the end i changed my mind and took bus home instead. i know i was wasting some precious time there, but my mind was like blank. totally indecisive, and no destination. and i didn wanna go home too early too. oh btw, thanx honeyy for the massage, chocs, and water! haa. felt alil better. hope my low blood doesn act up again!
oh. i realized i acty was quite irritated when i came across a person who's way too emo. someone like the role/character that jeanette aw played in the 9 o'clock show. wahh. she supa emo i couldn stand it. and then, i realized, all the while i might be like her. cus i know im very emotional. but i really don wanna go to that extent. WAY TOO EMO! am i like her? like that? mebbe last year. my posts from march to aug? yepp. and now im afraid im gonna start it again. im getting more emo these days. mebbe since that unexpected incident. then suddenly things turn around the way they shouldn be. it really sux. one thing which is affecting me so badly is, yepp, THE EMO FAMILY. what we call ourselves. huh. so true. i jus realized why the hell did we choose to name ourselves emo? haha. but anyways, really girls. i didn expect things to turn out this way, i'd never wish for the outcome to be like this, but i don feel like i belong. im serious. yes we once said, we are lucky for besides the fact that we are great groupmates for assignments, we happen to also be the best of friends. but right now, i feel that i seem to drift away from you guys. not mentioning best friends, even bein groupmates, i don hav the confidence anymore. i know its jus me. im the problem. i don hav the same feeling with you guys anymore. i cant be myself with you guys anymore. if i happen to be different, im really sorry.
today, 1403 hrs
was shocked to receive a friendster message from teck wei ehh. and what was even more shocking is that he asked about sunshine! sighhh. i really miss sunshine. i really do. miss those days, the hardship, the fun we had, the life stories and problems we shared, the late nights and .... but i couldn do anything right now. i couldn possibly go bac. im following my heart. and i know what im pursuing. alright shant go into detail but found these pics. :))
thats about it. i wont prolong my emotional state. im bac to bein "normal" and i cant afford to waste anymore time. hope to finish the book Goal Mapping which i found really useful :) and then start on my firs two goals. SHHH. secret! when ive reached my goals, you guys could hav seen it for yourself, so theres no need for me to tell. the change would be pretty obvious :)) thanx honeyy & master! you guys know why.
as for my dear THREE friends, i hav nth more to say. i hope you guys can find a better way to solve your problems rather than running away or shutting yourself up. it's never gonna work guys. really. ignorance is bliss, yea but you cant be ignorant when it comes to this matter. i shall not repeat my mistakes again by intervening or stepping in to help. im sure you guys know how to deal with it. i may say that i heck care, but it's really my nature to care deep within me. :) so stay strong. will be behind you guys always so you guys can find me for support :))
nehneh! glad that youre better these days :) and miki mus be feeling happy too, jus like you do. so stay this way bro! carry on with your life, for we know that as long as youre happy, youre carrying miki in your heart too =))
and brother! youre going away already ... don know why im feeling quite sad about this. haha. it's not like you will be gone! wahahaha. but really wish you could take good care of yourself there and be bac safe and SQUARE! will be praying for your safety wherever you are, bro. :))
wahhh. i really feel like all my friends are gone. eric giant going in nex fri, master a week after that, wow. and then i predict i'll be pretty busy with attachment and work. and of course will drift away from polymates as well. ohmyy. i miss all my friends! fcukers, saBROS! nana! :) missyouguys! =)))))Monday, May 26, 2008
HEYY DEAR 8 SELECTED FRIENDS WHOM IVE ASKED TO DO THE QUESTIONS, IT'S OK IF YOU DON FEEL LIKE DOING. IT'S FINE. JUS REMEMBER THAT YOUR NAMES ARE THERE CUS YOU GUYS ARE REMEMBERED OK! BUT SWEETAY, TWO THUMBS UP FOR DOING IT! =))))
hmmm. believe it or not, i couldn sleep today, at all. i thought when i on my laptop, i would jus surf for awhile, research for tmr morn, and head to sleep, but i was wrong. as soon as i saw bro's nick on msn, and nehneh's nick, i knew they had sth bad to fill me in. and the moment they told me about their friend, whom, was also a very nice brother to them, had passed away this morning due to an accident while he was riding his bike, i was dumbfounded for awhile. and at once, i thought of min loo. laulau was a very nice person - one thing im sure of, jus by looking at all his photos. he had lotsa friends, and he's greatly loved by them. he mus be a truly nice friend. :)
sighhh. you could hav never imagined how many times i cried jus for tonight. like what i told saBROS, mebbe im really too emo and sensitive that i too could feel for them. i was able to empathize so perfectly well that i could keep on crying while watching the video that i had created for LAU YAN XIAN MIKI. yepp. i enjoyed doing it so much. the songs by saBROS are really nice, sad songs and i love it.
dear saBROS, this is as much as i can do for you guys. please remain strong and always pray for him yea? if you wish to cry, by all means, and if you need a shoulder, i can lend you mine, if you don mind straining your necks cus i might be too short! haha. and a reminder to bro, please please please. i hope this will serve as a meaningful lesson to you. be more careful while biking. don keep on buang. you scarred your legs too much. we all may be lucky once, or twice, but we cant always remain lucky. we cant get away from mishaps. your life's more important than jus having fun. we cant afford to lose you mann. ok choyy! but im dead serious. and nehneh, take heart ok, and hav the courage to accept the fact and face it boldly. you'll be fine after some time.
so here's the video, dedicated to all those who knows LauLau, or
Lau Yan Xian Miki, 07July 1989 - 25 May 2008.
REST IN PEACE. YOU'LL ALWAYS BE REMEBERED BY THOSE WHO LOVE YOU :)
so dear people, again, a lesson learnt, is to cherish those around you. your friends, family, relatives and such. many are already blessed by having the opportunity to build love relationships, so do treasure your partner and solve your disputes in a better way. count yourself fortunate cus at least you hav the other half of you, while many others cant even get the love or the girl/guy whom they are after. pleaseeee. realize this. :) don wait till they are gone.
okayy. im off to sew my puppets and then pack my bag to go school. the day really seems so short when not sleeping becomes a habit. take care people.Saturday, May 24, 2008
myramoxiaomai from URL @ 03:20work today was busy. and i had to pay 10bucs cus apparently, there was a short of 10bucs jus when i was about to end my shift. how nice. accurate timing ehh?
so many books to read, ive no idea when i can actually take some time out to finish them. crazy. and im being stubborn again, not adopting the habit of sleeping early. sux. altho i feel tired which leads to me feeling rather moody. adding on to that, i cant find the lyrics for love is blind by ramzi feat ash king. dammit. sah help me ehh.
these days ive been doing favours for people. tooo kind already. or mebbe im stoopid cus i wasnt able to turn them down. end up in this shit. haha. and, i hate ANTS! fucking climb up my arm, and when i shoo-ed it away, like 2 minutes later, another ant appeared out of nowhere on my other arm. like wtf? ants are IRRITATING! seriously. oh. i miss rani. ha. so random. and i miss smoking with bro. haa. was tempted to buy one pack when i stepped into 7-11 jus now.
stock-taking tmr! AHHHH. miss that job so bloody much. haa. ok i think i'd better koon. but one thing here i wanna say: I MISS FCUKERS! before 6june, chill tgt! dammit.Friday, May 23, 2008
myramoxiaomai from URL @ 23:40
ok cool. my attachment centre is at steven road. wtf? so far from my house! in fact majority of us got centres darn far from where we live. ohwell. jus hafta wake up earlier and hopefully history will not repeat itself, right kat? WE'D BETTER CHANGE! wahaha. and jus now at my workplace, i was busy reading through the FP booklet and wow! so many tasks to do every week! wtf? so in the end, from feeling like as if i hav nth to do, now im gonna get busier preparing for practicum and make sure i excel in this bloody 18-credit module! wahaha.
ohh so i saw my name in sah's blog ehh. and i had to do this too? haha. ok people. for those of you who usually read my blog, when you see your name at the end of this post, you know what you should do! i don feel like tagging so look out for your name OR nickname and ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS!
1. At what age do you wish to marry? 26? i guess that would be an ideal age, especially looking at the rate im going. haven achieve my dreams yet!
2. Study hard or play hard? balance of both please.
3. Who is the person you can trust the most? myself. isnt it true?
4. Do you think you have enough confidence? hmm. i'd love if my level of confidence rise up alittle more! higher self-esteem so to say. :))
5. If you have a dream come true, what would it be? to be financially free, so much so that both my parents are able to retire and enjoy however much they wanna enjoy, without any worries for anything at all! heyy jus ONE dream only rightt? cus i was about to list down somemore. keekee :)
6. Do you believe in seeing rainbow after rain? i think ive seen one before ehhh. so yes i do :)
7. What is your goal for this year? this year? down at least 5kg, excellent results for practicum, outstanding debts settled. heyy. im damn open and frank rightt. reveal everything here. embarrassing mehh. it's normal mann. it's life after all.
8. Do you believe in eternity love? eternity love? you mean eternal love, like "we'll love each other till death do us part?" or "even after death, we shall meet again and be lovers" that kind? hmm. honestly i don know. but for me that pure true love exists, but not for a long period of time. i believe the flame will slowly burn off, cus probably there's no more wax? whatever it is, gradually, true love will never stay forever. it's probably feeling partly responsible for that other half that makes couples be together for very loooonnnnng. yea.
9. Have you broken someone's heart that he/she tried to commit suicide? 9. Do you believe in love at first sight? hmmm. LOVE? it takes time for love to develop mann. but mebbe a crush or some kinda infatuated feeling for someone? can say i believe only in crush at firs sight. those short moments of feeling "in love" with another person and then a few days, weeks or months later, it doesnt really matter if you are really thinking about that person or not. :) yea.
10. What feeling do you love the most? like after you hav worked so fuckingly hard for something, and you know you finally made it, ohmann that feeling is GREAT!
11. What feeling do you hate the most? nervous before a challenge or competition. ohmann.
12. What are the requirements that you wish from the other half? love me for whatever i am, gives me security always, independent, gives me the freedom i wan :)) ohh. not fugly of course.
13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours? of course! im those kind who treasure them so much but people cant see it. they hafta like see "through" me deeply before they are able to see how much my love is towards friendships. :)
14. Do you believe in GOD? this is a redundant qns for me actually. YES I DO. i love Allah more than i love myself. that's how much i believe in GOD.
15. Who do you think is the most important thing in your life? both my parents, who hav done sooooo much for me and never fail to make me cry everyday cus im jus soooo touched by whatever they've been through every day for the sake of us in the family!
16. Who do you hope to be there with you always? my father :)) without him, my world will be incomplete!
17. Who are your bestfriends? by name, i hav ALOT. like nana, sah, honeyy, bro, siaozhabor, lesbianpartner. by heart and truly a bestfriend, i guess none. myself?
18. Who cares you the most? i cant give a definite answer, cus i cant measure the "most". but i know my mother cares alot for me :)
19. Who do you think deserve your love? God, without any doubts, my parents, and those who touch my heart. =)))))
20. Are you willing to sacrifice your happiness for the one you love? yes. love is above everything else. when there's love, i'll definitely hav the strength to overcome what may, even after a sacrifice for the sake of my loved ones :)
Instructions: Remove one question above by striking it away and replace it with your own personal question. Make it a total of 20 questions and tag 8 people. List them up at the end of your rant. Notify them in their tagboard that they've been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessing.
the lucky ones: [honeyy nana bro sweetay anne kat siaozhabor lesbianpartner]Thursday, May 22, 2008
arrrhhhh. extra time!!! who will emerge as champ mann? chelsea or man u? cuckoo larr. deprive me of my sleep only. wahaha. ok. blog awhile before the game continues later. ohmann. watching football never fail to give me heart attacks! but i love this feeling. thrilled, nervous, wondering what would happen nex. supa exciting! waiting waiting ...
i seem to be feeling tired most of the time these days. really soooo tired. guess i mus be too occupied with work. be it schoolwork or work work. haha. my dear frens know how i am, always not taking care of myself. never drink water, little sleep, and the list goes on and on and they will nag and nag. rightt people? wahahaha. but i still love myself ok?
oh. watched Ayat Ayat Cinta with fam last saturday i think. ohmann, i did NOT regret watching the show at all. it was the most meaningful movie ive ever watched in a million years mann. seriously. i teared so many bloody times cus the messages touched my heart. they affected me. the plot was yea saddd but i didn cry cus of that. i cried cus this movie made me reflect upon myself. i could see how fucking far i was/am from God, how sinful i mus hav been, how i could hav seen some things from a different angle, and the fact that i didn. it was really a movie worth watching and im gonna catch it again and again and again! =p
alrightt. these pics with honeyy was quite some ago. =)) shes a joy. thanx for the wonderful friendship, honeyy. :))
I THINK I HAV ADAM'S APPLE?
ANTS IN MY CHILLI! HAHA. NICEEE & SWEEET.
RYAN CUTIE PIE! READING? NAHH. ACTION ONLY. :)
NANA!! LOVES~
MY BOOBS LOOK BIGGG HERE. YUCKS!
0616 hour:
AHHHH. DAMMMITTT!!! MAN U won larr! grrrr. ok im alright with man u cus ive been a fan of ronaldo. the reason whyy i wasnt crazy over man u, and still am not, is cus of beckham. don ask me whyy. irks me. but now ronaldo makes my impression for man u not as bad as when beckham was in the team. BUT, if you ask me, between man u and chelsea, it has to be chelsea!! ahhhh!! my heart was beating fast during the penalty jus now! when ronaldo missed his shot, awww. felt sad for him. and then came terry! shucks! and he mus hav been too disappointed with himself that he couldn stop looking upset the whole time after the match. awwww. poor him! lampard too! my fav! jus now i didn know what i actually wanted for the outcome. if chelsea won, then ronaldo would hav been guilty all his life mann. but now that man u won, jus look at terry! and lampard, awww. really feel for them! or am i being too emo for a football match? :))
ohh great. verrryyy sleepy now. but i cant afford to sleep. gotta get ready for school in about 2 hours time. how to sleep mann. once i sleep, i cant wake up! haha. ok then. off to do some research for tmr's discussion! and why do i suddenly feel so excited to know which centre i'll be attached to for practicum? hmmm.
awww. sahirah came to my blog! wahaha. finally my prayers were answered! now shes contactable! WAHAHAHA. vesak day meet up! =))
anyways, ran ONLY 3 rounds with honeyy today. shitt mann. so shitty. ran for 3 rounds for about 17 minutes? wtf? wtf? lost tooooooo much stamina alr! cannot cannot! but, like what we said, we shall make it a habit to run every friday and improve our damn stamina! like shitttt. but, no doubt, enjoyed the time with honeyy today. talking about our childhood and haagen-dazs days. HAHA. okayy. working tmr, ALONE! without my sis! alil nervous and scarrrry! grrr. i don know why. i really musnt think too lowly of myself. i AM AN ADULT AL-REA-DYYY!! grrr. the problem is, i jus don see myself as a young adult in terms of interacting with other middle-aged adults. i'd feel inferior, and i'd think to myself, "im jus a child you know?" aaahhh. what crap is that? eventhough i am matured in terms of thinking, im very sure of that, but mebbe im jus toochild-like. put it in a nicer way,WAY TOOOOO YOUNG AT HEARTalrightt? haha. blame mycourse for it! wahaha. nahh. im jus easily influenced.
i was really down when i got his reply. i didn think i would be down. heyy! ive gotten over him didn i? fuck me. one time i thought it'd be the best choice never to meet him again. but like, never EVER?! yeaaa i guess that is the case. GONE CASE! it's like as if he's gone from my life. he's no more in my heart. but his memories will always be with me. anyway, it was my choice, so hafta live with it. =))
NOW GET DOWN TO SERIOUS BUSINESS FOR THE NEX FEW WEEKS! IM LOVING IT, PEOPLE! =)))))Wednesday, May 14, 2008
myramoxiaomai from URL @ 02:02everything is subject to change. it's only a matter of time. hence the new skin. i love the wide space where i can post my entries. that's the main thing i look for actually.
firs-hand on my new job today. had to deal with 8000bucs worth of money every single day i work! holy crap! now where do i find time for my warehouse job? i still wanna do it! i love that job too! squeeze squeeze squeeze~
and about a few hours ago, i finally forced myself to sms him. i really hope he would understand.
didn go for dance tdy. wtf. nex week probably not. cus vesak day, and following week, break? and then attachment? does this mean no dance at all now? awww. if not for that WADDAFUCK RASH! haha. he needs some good teaching strategies to make his dance lesson a fruitful one, seriously. dammit.
currently, having to think about it is jus driving me nuts. how am i to tell you? i don know why am i feeling this way, but i cant help it, can i? hope you understand.
and was i glad we did talk a little today. memories of us bac then really made me feel down alil. but i understand. hope to gain bac your trust towards me, though i hafta say, the reason for not trusting me anymore was rather invalid. was truly unfair. was cruel, in a way. but i don really like the barrier that's blocking us now. sucks bigg time.
JUS A PIC ON FRIDAY NIGHT AT JON'S PLACE. MANN. THAT RICH KID.
talking about children's sensorial experiences? exploration? wahahaha. sunday noon at bugis :) DISASTER with jus two mischievous souls!
"THOMAS! THOMAS!" THEY SCREAMED WITH JOY. :))
and sunday night, kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut at mommy's place. it wasMOM'S DAYpeople! all the moms,cheeeeeeese!haha. a meaningful night, filled with love, joy and tears too.
MOMS!! SADDD FACES? HUHHHH. HAHA.
NOW NOW, THE FATHERS WERE ACTUALLY CONCENTRATING ON SOCCER MATCH! HAHA!
anyways, i needa WIND UP! yes wind up NOT whine mann. i hate whining and whiners.
ohmann. when i saw that red light, the feeling was sooooo good to be true. i wish i was rubbing my eyes, or had honeyy to pinch me. but i wasnt dreaming! madness! as i walked and walked, and drew closer and closer to that red light, my heart started beating damn fucking fast! seriously. and i was shivering! wahaha. but we had quite a good laugh rightt honey? but, i don wanna wait three weeks again to see the red lightagain. today marks the firs day though. firs day and counting, yet AGAIN!
sad:
i wish i could do more for my family. poor ibu, had to take care of two mischievous kids at home without rest, and poor abah. i didn mean to not do what you asked me to do! i was busy doing sth else! but i really really wanted to help you! why cant i do sth for the two of you?
WHY WHY WHY? dammit.
disappointed:
i don know what i can say to the both of you. jus goodluck. and you. yes you. i know we are sooo sooo different right now. i could feel that coldness. i seriously don fucking care. you are totally different. please. check on your bloody self.
yeayea. sakae sushi supper buffet to celebrate eric's birthday! and also, part of it was to spend the last few days as a whole group before master and marble-eyed cherry QQ head off for ns! woohoo! lesser man in fcukers! shoo shoo! WAHAHA. kidding larr. wow. saddd larr cus there were no seats in sakae that could accommodate all of us fcukers. so had to separate into two different tables. anyways, more than jus words to describe the night. all i know, i ate till i was supa full i swear i felt like EXPLODING! haha. pics will do the talking for me. :)
LOOK AT PIC #1! MASTER STILL COULD POSE IN BETWEEN THE GIRLS! WAHAHAHA. FUNNY.
PIC #2: THE TWO BOTAKHEADS :)
PIC #1: ZH THE PRAWN DRACULA
PIC #1: SWEETAY! TOOK BRO'S PIC THEN NV TAKE MINE!
i thought the day was damn packed for me. had to meet lotsa people to catchup! cool~ and i had forgotten that i hadn finish my summary. nice~ firs up, met up with dear cousins at JP PIZZA HUT to celebrate zaimah's belated birthday!
#1 PIC: MAMAT & ZAIMAH, DON SHY SHY LARR! =P
THE COUSINS: GUYS ehh BOYS! :))))
BIRTHDAY GIRL IN PINK~
THE COUSINS: GIRLS!
THE SIBLINGS
THE YOUNG ONES =)
and in the evening, the whole rocky family went out for dinner! 3rd sis wasnt there as she had to work. bleahx.
UP UP ON THE LORRY!
THE TWO WHOM I LOVE THE MOST ;) IBU; ABAH
5TH SIS, 2ND SIS; COME LARR MAMAT!! DON WAN TAKE PIC WITH ME!
SPOT RYAN!! =P
AARON WITH HIS SCARY FACE!
AARON SAYS SSSHHH!
friday, 2nd may 2008
watched nims island with kat after school! caught up with personal stuff and finally one more person who knows my lil' teeny weeny secret. :) ohmann. i spent alot today dammit.
and later at night, went to meet nana at vivo :) been so long since we last met. miss our times tgt ehh. but girl, don you think something's amissed now between us? i hope we could mend that. i seem to feel that im so far from you. do share with me about anything nex time round yea? muacks!
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