Friday, May 30, 2008
myramoxiaomai from URL @ 13:39
wednesday, 280508, 2309 hrs
i know i shouldn do that to her. i know i was being kinda rude? but i really didn like that feeling. i was lying down on the sofa and was staring at my phone when i slowly started dozing off. it might be for a few seconds only or a minute when suddenly i heard two loud claps! from my mother! wtf? VERY VERY LOUD OK! and i got a shock! the feeling was terrible. i always hate that feeling. it was an awful feeling. terribly awful! it was as if my heart had jumped out of my body! and this wasnt the firs time my mother purposely disturbed me so, i was kinda pissed that i sorta scolded my mother. sorry ibu .. i know i shouldn hav, but you shouldn hav played like that towards me. pleaseeeee.
i thought there was sth wrong with me tdy. i guess honeyy could hav noticed. haha. was soooo weird. one time i wanted to do sth alone, but at the same time i didn wanna feel neglected or lonely. thats why i was in a rather dazed kinda mood tdy. my thoughts werent running smoothly and i couldn decide what to do. ended up i took a bus with honey to bkt panjang area after ech club meeting, then instead of going to her house as planned, i told her i might wanna go wdlands library. in the end i changed my mind and took bus home instead. i know i was wasting some precious time there, but my mind was like blank. totally indecisive, and no destination. and i didn wanna go home too early too. oh btw, thanx honeyy for the massage, chocs, and water! haa. felt alil better. hope my low blood doesn act up again!
oh. i realized i acty was quite irritated when i came across a person who's way too emo. someone like the role/character that jeanette aw played in the 9 o'clock show. wahh. she supa emo i couldn stand it. and then, i realized, all the while i might be like her. cus i know im very emotional. but i really don wanna go to that extent. WAY TOO EMO! am i like her? like that? mebbe last year. my posts from march to aug? yepp. and now im afraid im gonna start it again. im getting more emo these days. mebbe since that unexpected incident. then suddenly things turn around the way they shouldn be. it really sux. one thing which is affecting me so badly is, yepp, THE EMO FAMILY. what we call ourselves. huh. so true. i jus realized why the hell did we choose to name ourselves emo? haha. but anyways, really girls. i didn expect things to turn out this way, i'd never wish for the outcome to be like this, but i don feel like i belong. im serious. yes we once said, we are lucky for besides the fact that we are great groupmates for assignments, we happen to also be the best of friends. but right now, i feel that i seem to drift away from you guys. not mentioning best friends, even bein groupmates, i don hav the confidence anymore. i know its jus me. im the problem. i don hav the same feeling with you guys anymore. i cant be myself with you guys anymore. if i happen to be different, im really sorry.
today, 1403 hrs
was shocked to receive a friendster message from teck wei ehh. and what was even more shocking is that he asked about sunshine! sighhh. i really miss sunshine. i really do. miss those days, the hardship, the fun we had, the life stories and problems we shared, the late nights and .... but i couldn do anything right now. i couldn possibly go bac. im following my heart. and i know what im pursuing. alright shant go into detail but found these pics. :))
thats about it. i wont prolong my emotional state. im bac to bein "normal" and i cant afford to waste anymore time. hope to finish the book Goal Mapping which i found really useful :) and then start on my firs two goals. SHHH. secret! when ive reached my goals, you guys could hav seen it for yourself, so theres no need for me to tell. the change would be pretty obvious :)) thanx honeyy & master! you guys know why.
as for my dear THREE friends, i hav nth more to say. i hope you guys can find a better way to solve your problems rather than running away or shutting yourself up. it's never gonna work guys. really. ignorance is bliss, yea but you cant be ignorant when it comes to this matter. i shall not repeat my mistakes again by intervening or stepping in to help. im sure you guys know how to deal with it. i may say that i heck care, but it's really my nature to care deep within me. :) so stay strong. will be behind you guys always so you guys can find me for support :))
nehneh! glad that youre better these days :) and miki mus be feeling happy too, jus like you do. so stay this way bro! carry on with your life, for we know that as long as youre happy, youre carrying miki in your heart too =))
and brother! youre going away already ... don know why im feeling quite sad about this. haha. it's not like you will be gone! wahahaha. but really wish you could take good care of yourself there and be bac safe and SQUARE! will be praying for your safety wherever you are, bro. :))
wahhh. i really feel like all my friends are gone. eric giant going in nex fri, master a week after that, wow. and then i predict i'll be pretty busy with attachment and work. and of course will drift away from polymates as well. ohmyy. i miss all my friends! fcukers, saBROS! nana! :) missyouguys! =)))))
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