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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

myramoxiaomai from URL @ 19:29

as i reached the childcare this afternoon, one of the teachers greeted me by saying, "hey i jus talked about you and you came." i was like what could you possibly talk about me? apparently she had to balik kampung like soon and told me it was a good thing that i came to help supervise the children. i didn mind that, altho i was only there to set up my learning corner and was planning to jus go off after finishing everything. apparently, 2 fucking fucked up teachers whom i thought were nice actually complained to my mentor about me.

mentor: who asked you to come today?
me: huh? i told you yesterday ryt, that im coming today to set up the learning corner?
mentor: oh?
me: ya and you said ok.
mentor: yes i know i allow you to come today but you cannot come in so late. you came at 430 and you are disrupting the class.
me: oh cus i had class earlier and i couldn come tmr or fri cus class will end later, around 6pm.
mentor: ok but youre not supposed to come at this time the nex time.
me: ohhhh. ok. (puzzled)

wow. what on earth was that? me DISRUPTING the class? the children were colouring! some who had finished were playing construction! and you said i was disrupting the class? i was an extra HELP there! got that? H-E-L-P! be grateful that i was there to help you keep an eye on them. and guess what? one of the fucked up teachers came up to me and said, "you help me sweep the floor. ask ms wong she'll tell you." WTF?! instead of handling the children? CHEEBYE! i wasnt there to be your MAID! grrrrrr.

those teachers were really urgh. omg omg. if not for the teachers i would hav enjoyed every moment of my practicum in that centre. you guys really suck. and i decided to walk bac home. was like a 20min walk and while walking, this fuckingly disgusting scene kept replaying in my head. and suddenly so many things regarding my life started showing up.

i realize that ...

1. im not a good early childhood educator
2. i don really hav a besfren
3. im unwanted (figure out what this means)
4. i look like im 60kg heavy! goshh. im not that heavy! CUT DOWN! DIE!
5. im currently fucking broke. like totally.
6. im jus being sibehh xiaoji
7. i haven done anything for my fam. jus ANYTHING. goodness.
8. my schoolwork sux.
9. i cant seem to kick my not-so-healthy habits. one example: blogging