Monday, April 09, 2007
LOVE LIVING YOUR LIFE JUS TO LAUGH ABOUT IT IN THE END?
myramoxiaomai from URL @ 21:48
wow. ok. suddenly i feel like i wanna start proving to those 'upstairs' wad im capable of doin mann. i jus feel the urge. well. they might not know that i can lead. seriously i can. i used to lead. in any situation. even bac then during ma primary school days. =)) then came the days of ma secondary school when i did the leading and the rest followed. but it all sorta died down at the end of sec three, and until now, i guess ive not been showing wad im capable of doin. im not trying to say that im supa good or wadeva. i jus thought that yea, i can do certain things but im jus not letting them out. sometimes it's really really damn irritating. i know i gotta unleash that potential within me. i know i can. but mebbe people around me play a bigg part in this. mebbe i jus don feel right 'performing' in front of these people. i dunno. im jus weird. i know. but after wad khai kit planned for our network, i felt more confident of maself. THANX FOR THAT DUDE. uve jus made me find ma LOST SELF. yes. i think ive found maself. i don wanna keep following. it's high time i lead AGAIN. I WILL TAKE THE LEAD. =))
hmmm. ok. feel like having some PERSONAL SESSION here. i guess its really time to let go of ma feelings here. feelings that ive been keeping to maself.
1) FRIENDSHIP wise, i don really giv a fuck. seriously frens do come and go. i know i hated this phrase and i still do mann. but heyy. who doesn accept facts? they are reality mann. yea. only handful ones will remain. or mebbe those gone might come bac some time later in ur life. YES. I BELIEVE IN THIS. u nva know who will be with u in ur upcoming 'events of life'. take for example, NOW? yepp. i swear i had nva expected to be qing quan's downline. to be in the same network as him. to work tgt with him. we didn even talk to each other bac then in sec school but now we're GOODFRENS. =)) same thing, he might go sometime later in our lives. we might lose contact. and i wonder wads in store for me in life. yes. LIFE'S PREDICTABLE YET IT'S UNPREDICTABLE TOO. =// but wad i would like to declare now is wad ive always believed in, that I LIVE FOR MA OWNSELF, NOT OTHERS. this isnt a selfish statement. it's somekind of a proclamation that I DON CARE how others see me and wad they wanna see from me or how they wanna judge me. it doesn affect me at all because I LIVE FOR MASELF. say wadeva u wan as long as i know wad im doin is right. =D
2) like many, sometimes i do feel something different suddenly. mebbe i feel that ma feelings arent quite right ehh. ok, say EMOTIONS. aha! i admit i do infatuate easily. like one time i will like this guy and then another time i will like another one? i seriously dunno wic is really INFATUATION and wic is TRUE LOVE? when guys are good to me i do hav feelings for them. it's not really in the liking. jus, ermm, enjoy the time ive spent with him? yupp. and now, i seriously dunno if ive fallen for this guy. i guess he has helped me alot in a way. i do enjoy ma time with him and i know we can click. mebbe it's not that i really like him. mebbe i jus feel good being with him? i really wonder. i know he may not like me but somehow the way he treated me jus didn seem normal. the things he said, i wonder if they were real hints or jus passing remarks. goshh. all this sounds complicated ehh? but anyways, ma feelings for the previous guy whom i used to like has faded away. see? fast right? thats me mann. i really hate this. but i know, that if i were to meet up with him again, the feelings for him will jus come bac. they simply come bac! uurrhh. how irritating. but then again, i don intend to hav any relationships, lovey dovey wadsoeva with anyone. mebbe if, if, if i were to say yes to a relationship, the reason might simply be, that i jus wan the feeling of someone who will always there for me, someone i can share ma problems with, ma sorrows and ma joy. someone who understands wad i wan in life and wad im doin. and that its really ok if we don commit much to each other. i dunno. is there such a relationship in this world? well. I SERIOUSLY DUNNO.
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